Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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