Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
