Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I want is dick and wine.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
