May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
