oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
