He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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