You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
