so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
