I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
