He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
