she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize