Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
