I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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