I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
