I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
