so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
