Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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