Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
