dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
