i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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