I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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