I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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