You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
