It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
