Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
