so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
