I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
