Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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