Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize