You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
