community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This house was built for laser tag.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
