Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
