Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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