his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
