Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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