I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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