It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize