His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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