census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i think my cat just said my name.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
