I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
