He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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