This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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