My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
