The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
