Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
