Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
