2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
