Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
