sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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