She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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