that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
