I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
