i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But theres a keg here and me gusta
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
