Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize