remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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