Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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