Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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