btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
