How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
