Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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