she smelled like a LAN party
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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