i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she told me i tasted like america
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
