I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
