if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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