No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
