I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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