have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
