That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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