The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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