You're my little dorito
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
