y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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