Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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